For the February 2025 selection in our Kindred Roots Book Club, the book ‘The Let Them Theory’ was selected based almost solely on the level of hype surrounding the release from Mel Robbins, a popular motivational speaker and podcast host. A good portion of our team read it, including a few of the therapists and would like to share our collective perspective.

For the February selection in our Kindred Roots Book Club, the book ‘The Let Them Theory’ was selected based almost solely on the level of hype surrounding the release from Mel Robbins, a popular motivational speaker and podcast host. A good portion of our team read it, including a few of the therapists and generally, here’s our collective perspective:

Mel's basically saying we're all wasting a ton of energy worrying about what other people think…. and, honestly? She's not wrong. We've all been there, right? Fretting over a comment, replaying a conversation in our heads, trying to be someone we're not just to please others. We could say that her "let them" theory, which is basically, "Who cares? Let them think about what they want" is the magic she is selling. Yeah, that's a concept we therapists talk about all the time – setting boundaries, accepting yourself, not trying to control everything. It’s also called radical acceptance, or the practice of Stoicism.

The book's got some good stuff, particularly if you’re new to the self-development conversation. She breaks the concept down into easy, digestible steps, which is great. We also appreciate that her stories in the book are super relatable. You're reading it like, "Yeah, I've totally done that" while also feeling comforted by her ability to demonstrate deep accountability for what you could have done differently in hindsight. She's good at making you feel like you're not alone in caring WAY too much about what other people think, feel and experience when in reality… it has nothing to do with you.

But here's the thing, and this is where my "therapist brain" kicks in: it's not always that simple.

First off, life's messy. People are messy. If you've had a rough time – trauma, bad relationships, whatever – just "letting them" might not cut it. What does “let them” mean when people are truly violating our boundaries, or explicitly causing us pain? How do we “let them” while also acknowledging that even though we cannot control their behaviors, we are feeling BIG feelings around it all, and still don’t know what to do with the overwhelm?

Sometimes, you actually do need to care a little... in some contexts, you shouldn’t just “let them” without first protecting yourself and your peace. The balance is incredibly nuanced, as you can't just ignore everything, nor care about everything either. If someone's saying something important, or if you're in a relationship where you need to communicate, you can't just shrug it off. "Letting them" can turn into just avoiding problems, and that doesn't fix anything.

Not to mention, everyone's different. What works for Mel might not work for you. Some people need to learn how to speak up, not just shut down. And if you have issues with attachment, for example, if you're really scared of people leaving you (which is not uncommon, my love), "letting them" might just make you panic.

Basically, "The Let Them Theory" is a good kick in the pants. It's like a friend telling you to stop worrying so much. But it's not a magic cure. If you're dealing with some serious stuff, you might need to talk to a therapist.

Think of the book as a tool. It's helpful, but you need to know how to use it. Don't just blindly "let them" everything. Use your brain, listen to your gut, and if you're struggling, book a virtual or in-person session with a member of the Kindred Roots team.

Wanna join our next Book Club gathering? We’ve selected Think Like A Monk, By Jay Shetty. Join us.